It's all about the process

I've been waiting for something to happen so that I could write a new post, but unfortunately my summer of shenanigans has simmered out - at least as of now (although I'm told that these things come in cycles).

Anywho, I had my first encounter with Kat and mini conversation since her party. We walked past each other on the street and I pet her new puppy and it was completely civil. That was it.

BUT SERIOUSLY Y'ALL there was way too much cuteness in that 10 seconds for me to handle.

Hokai. Kat still has a gf, so I feel guilty about wanting Kat to be single so that I can start dating her because then gf would be sad. Except I don't really feel guilty, I just feel like I should so I keep saying it. I imagine I would feel guilty or at least bad if Kat dumped gf for me, but emotions are a tricky thing to predict.

My shrink says I'm emotionally numb. Apparently rationalizing emotion isn't the same as feeling it - only just learned that recently.

IF I don't feel bad about hurting the gf, and I'm only just saying that because I'm told I should feel guilty about it, THEN why don't I just go after Kat?

Two Reasons: 1. That kind of turmoil is a horrible way to start a relationship. 2. If I can successfully seduce her away from her gf, who's to say she can't be seduced away from me?

So that matter is pretty much settled. I do nothing until Kat is single, BUT I would still like to be her friend but we aren't talking still so that's a problem.

MOVING ON.

I moved back up to school to take a summer class and I'm finding it incredibly difficult being here because I know my ex is here and still seeing my ex friend and it still makes me nauseous to think about. Tuesday was a particularly difficult day. For some reason I couldn't get her out of my head and I almost burst out in tears like 5 times. Then I felt completely ridiculous because it's been 4 months and we only dated for (2.5 months by her count, 4 by mine) and I didn't love her and the sex was bad BUT SHE WONT GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

Getting treated that way after the break up was so not worth the relationship. I don't regret it, I've learned a lot, but I wish my first relationship had been with someone else - so I guess I regret HER, not the relationship.

BUT BUT BUT I learned something whilst almost crying! Making friendship bracelets is the cure for depression!

SERIOUSLY making a friendship bracelet takes just enough brain power that you can listen to music or something but not formulate your own thoughts. NO MORE OBSESSING.

At the rate I'm going, I should start selling these.