talking vs texting

I would like to take a moment to discuss the different mediums of communication.

I am a big fan of technology, and am often called a techny (although usually by my less tech savvy friends that don't know better). I have multiple computers (Mac and PC), an iPhone, and an excessive entertainment system that I built and hooked up myself.

I am also an only child, which means I grew up rather isolated and spent much of my time communicating via instant messaging and phones (video chat and text came later).

As most of you know, as I'm speaking to a community of fellow bloggers, it is much easier to type something online than say it out loud. That isn't the biggest problem.

At least when we type, we can edit ourselves before sending the message, and I believe that people will eventually say what they really mean (given enough alcohol in some cases).

The two biggest issues are these:
1. Everything that is written can be interpreted. So much of communication is done nonverbally that when we are only exchanging written words, we are missing half the context at least.

2. Having a conversation via written word depersonalizes those communicating.  The reason it is so easy to say things online is because we don't see the icon or avatar or whatever we're talking to as a person. We don't have to see that person cry if we hurt them. We aren't in any danger of being hit if we make them mad. We also don't get kissed or hugged when we make someone happy.

My ex and I broke up because of a communication issue, which is really odd considering how good I normally am at communicating. The problem was that nearly all of our conversations occurred over text or im for about the first month (it was winter break and we're from far away cities). All those really important first conversations about where we're going, what we're comfortable with, etc. all happened via text.

Bad idea.

When we got back from break, we were ok for about a month. We got to just be together in that honeymoon phase with all the loose ends already tied up neatly. Of course, new things come up and we were completely unable to deal with them. Those loose ends were not so neatly tied together. I'd said things I didn't mean, as had she, in those texts - not on purpose, it's just easier to say you're ok with something hundreds of miles away and typed, rather than out loud to someone's face.

When things came up, we either didn't talk about them or, when she'd ask me something, I'd just agree with whatever she said because I didn't know how to say no to her face. I don't blame texting for my breakup, but it sure didn't help.

I have learned my lesson though. This is how I rank the following mediums from most effective to least effective forms of communication:

1. Face-to-face/In person
2. video chat (skype)
3. phone call
4. instant message (aim, msn, gchat, etc.)
5. email
6. text
7. snail mail
8. coded messages
(I'm not even counting twitter. If you're tweeting about your relationship issues with your significant other, you don't deserve to be in a relationship.)

Those are just the basics. My reasoning for the order of 4-6 is that im is at least a back and forth conversation being had in the moment, rather than at convenience, so moods are less likely to be drastically different between responses. I put email before text because people tend to spend more time thinking about emails and dont use them as a substitute for calling.

Here's my rant on text messages: They are very convenient. You don't have to stop one conversation to have another one. They don't have to disturb anyone else. You can have back and forth dialogue easily and in the moment, much like im. BUT text messages are neither ims nor phone calls, yet they seem to replace both. At least in an im conversation, you can usually assume the person you're talking to is sitting at a computer somewhere and that they're not moving around much - the environment is constant. If a person stops responding, it's because they left the computer, not because they're ignoring you. With phone calls, you can hear the person's tone and determine their mood. With text, you get neither. Soooo many of my friends get really frustrated when someone doesn't text back right away when everyone nowadays carries their phone with them everywhere - so clearly they're purposely being ignored (*facepalm*). Until they invent a sarcasm font, it is nearly impossible to read sarcasm in a text or really any mood clearly and so misunderstandings happen ALL THE TIME. Also, because you can have multiple conversations at once without having them disrupt each other, you aren't giving your full attention to the person you're texting and not giving the conversation the concentration it deserves.

Phew, I could continue but I'll spare y'all that pain. I hate text, in case you can't tell, yet I fall victim to its convenience. I actually find myself in a text romance right now (sort of, but I could be misreading it). Do yourselves a favor, only use text for mundane things like telling someone what you need from the store or where you want to meet to have an in person conversation. If you have all your serious conversation via mediums 1-3, I promise you will have much better relationships. I plan on remedying my text romance soon as I see this girl next.